


every feeling, every word, i've imagined it all

by borrowthemoonlight



Category: The Worst Witch (TV 2017), The Worst Witch - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, Young hicsqueak, camping trip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 10:54:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14768240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/borrowthemoonlight/pseuds/borrowthemoonlight
Summary: “Alright.” Hecate says, through clenched teeth, fingers clutching at the fabric of her pinafore by her waist.Pippa lights up. “Really?” Hecate nods, quite stiffly. “We’re going to have a great time, I promise. We can share a tent and toast marshmallows and chant around the fire and tell stories and we don’t have to join in all the time either. We can sit things out if you want to, okay?”And even now, Hecate is amazed by Pippa’s absolute consideration for her, she’s almost sure she doesn’t deserve it. But still, she’ll never take it for granted.





	every feeling, every word, i've imagined it all

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning: mentions of anxiety and homophobia but there is no physical violence and it has a soft ending i promise

“Please?” Pippa pleads, a hopeful smile across her face. “ _Everyone_ is going.”

Hecate looks at her blandly, like that could ever be a good reason for her to want to attend this trip.

“I hate the thought of you being stuck here all alone for two whole days.” Pippa continues. But Hecate rather enjoys the idea of the time alone. The library won’t be as busy with her whole year group gone, there’ll be no noise in her wing of the castle, there’ll be no one to worry about running into at any given moment outside of her bedroom. 

“And if you don’t go, then I don’t see the point in me going either. I can’t imagine I’ll have any fun without you, Hiccup.” And it’s this that, without even a second thought, makes her give in immediately. And although she thinks she’d enjoy her alone time even more if she could share it with Pippa, she can’t let Pippa miss out on something that will bring her joy.

“Alright.” Hecate says, through clenched teeth, fingers clutching at the fabric of her pinafore by her waist.

Pippa lights up. “Really?” Hecate nods, quite stiffly. “We’re going to have a great time, I promise. We can share a tent and toast marshmallows and chant around the fire and tell stories and we don’t have to join in all the time either. We can sit things out if you want to, okay?”

And even now, Hecate is amazed by Pippa’s absolute consideration for her, she’s almost sure she doesn’t deserve it. But still, she’ll never take it for granted.  
***  
It’s the night before and they’re sitting on Pippa’s bed and Hecate is on the brink of tears, but she can’t let Pippa know that. It’s not even that she doesn’t want to go anymore, she’s convinced herself that this will be a good thing. A life experience that, no matter what happens, one day she can look back on and be glad it happened. She’s just feeling a little overwhelmed about it all. A new environment, having to sleep in a tent, which she has slept in once before, however it was indoors. And having to be around people more than she would like. That’s the main worry. She’s not good in social situations in general. She can’t lead a conversation, she can’t even join group conversations. She’s afraid of looking awkward and out of place, which she will be.

Hecate is lying on her back, looking up at the ceiling. Contemplating her anxieties. They don’t seem too bad now that Pippa’s fingertips are tracing patterns up and down her forearm. If she could just do this for the next two days, everything would be more than fine.

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” Pippa says, a little louder than a whisper, so as not to completely jolt Hecate from her thoughts.

“Hm?” Hecate shifts slightly on the bed to look at her. 

“I didn’t mean to pressure you into saying yes. It was selfish of me to say that I won’t go without you, if you want to stay here then you should.” She says it with such sincerity and she doesn’t take her gaze away from where her fingers still dance on Hecate’s arm and Hecate can’t help but smile at her.

She thinks about it. This is her chance to get out of the situation, the thought of which she’s made clear she isn’t particularly fond of. But it is only for one night and it will be good to have this new experience and she will be with Pippa. “I want to go. I am dreading it too, but really, I want to.” And Hecate does think she means it.

“We’ll have fun, I promise.” Pippa says, finally looking up at her, her hand settling flat on Hecate’s arm, making warmth suddenly flood Hecate’s body. She can’t imagine that she will have _fun_ , but Pippa will be there and everything will be fine.  
***  
The first thing that goes wrong once they arrive, is the tent mix-up. Pippa has been put down to share with Melony Moodedge, and Hecate with Heather Wingbat. The issue is solved with minimal fuss, Hecate and Melony simply switch tents. But still, the situation has done absolutely nothing to help the cauldron of anxiety inside Hecate’s stomach that’s already bubbling away nicely. 

“Do you remember the last time we shared a tent?” Pippa asks, as they attempt to magic the tent upright. 

“Yes. I’m not quite sure we really got the whole experience.” Hecate replies, thinking back to last summer when she had stayed with Pippa and her family for a while. The plan was to camp in the garden, but that evening a rather large and insistent storm appeared out of nowhere and so they decided it best to stay inside. Still with determination to go camping, however, they decided the living room would suffice. Pippa’s father even magicked up some constellations on the ceiling so they could still stargaze.

“I suppose we didn’t. It was fun though.” Pippa says, recalling how much they had laughed and talked nonsense and how they tried to name every constellation and even made up their own, and how, later on, when Hecate had fallen asleep, she cuddled right into Pippa. And Pippa pretended to still be asleep when Hecate woke in the morning, giving her the chance to untangle herself from Pippa to save her the inevitable embarrassment she would feel at her own unconscious actions.

“We did.” Hecate flushes, recalling the same.

Their tent is up before anyone else’s and Pippa beams with pride at how perfectly put together it looks and Hecate silently agrees, it is the best looking tent out of them all. 

There are two single beds inside, put up by magic at the same time their tent was forming its proper shape and Pippa immediately pushes them together, making one double bed. Hecate stares, but doesn’t question and Pippa says, “It’ll be way more fun this way.” Hecate agrees, but suddenly she can’t push away the terrifying thought that she might nuzzle into Pippa in her sleep, _again_. And even worse, this time Pippa might realise before she can stop it.

Once every tent is up, each pair are given a unique list of potion ingredients to collect. Hecate is less than impressed with the particular list she and Pippa have been given.

“Pippa, our shoes don’t even _have_ laces. Why did we have to get stuck with the most pointless potion? We can’t even demonstrate if it works.” 

“The point is to have fun finding the right ingredients, Hiccup. Everyone’s been given silly spells.” Pippa says cheerfully, grabbing a small wicker basket. “Now come on. I know you want secretly want to win.”

“It’s not a secret.” Hecate utters, marching past Pippa into the woods. 

Every ingredient is too easy to find, dandelion seeds, moth dust, a spider’s web and the sap of a daffodil. It’s elementary witchcraft and Hecate really does not see the point. But Pippa keeps reminding her, it’s supposed to be _fun, Hiccup_. 

And she thinks it might be fun, if it was just the two of them. If people like Lucy Loudnewt and Jenny Greensnap where not constantly on their tails, whispering and snickering and laughing too loudly that it makes Hecate angry at herself for letting them make her feel so self conscious.

The time comes to demonstrate their potions and, whether the task was far too easy or not, Hecate is at least pleased to know that she and Pippa will get theirs right, unlike some of the witches who have already shown theirs. Luckily, Martha Mapspell is wearing a pair of laced up shoes, so Pippa kindly asks if she’ll undo them and take a sip of their concoction. And almost as soon as the potion takes effect, Hecate’s confidence swirls into total disbelief in her stomach as she sees that Martha’s laces do not immediately tie themselves. Instead, they grow long, very long, and slither up into the air beside Martha, before twirling and twirling and twirling around the helpless witch and trapping her in a cocoon.

“It would appear that you let some caterpillar mucus make its way into your potion, girls. A very disappointing attempt at such a simple spell.” Miss Broomhead observes, turning up her nose, as she promptly frees Martha from her unintentional trap.

“But we didn-“ Pippa begins, certain that they gathered the exact right amount of each ingredients and certainly did not get close to even a dollop of caterpillar mucus.

“That’s quite enough, Pippa Pentangle. We must move on.” 

“Really, Hecate. It’s so unlike you to get a potion wrong. It’s so unlike to _fail_. You must feel so embarrassed.” Comes the painfully loud and unwelcome voice of Lucy, who currently has a certain look about her. Her eyes are narrow, her smile a slight curve of her lips and she raises her eyebrows when Hecate looks back at her in confusion.

“It was you. You sabotaged our potion.” Hecate says, having no idea where her confidence is coming from. Then realising that perhaps it’s mainly anger.

“Why on earth would I do that?” Lucy asks, innocently. 

“Because you hate me.” Hecate says it like it’s the most obvious statement in the world. Because it is, really. Everyone knows it. Lucy is who Hecate dreads running into in the corridor most of all. Lucy does a marvellous job of prompting Hecate’s anxiety to boil over. It’s not that she’s threatened by her skills as a witch, Hecate could duel her with her eyes closed and still win. It’s not even the words that come from Lucy’s mouth to tease and shame and belittle Hecate, she can ignore them easily. It’s the attention she brings. She’s very good at making sure all eyes are on Hecate when she insists on making a snide comment as they pass each other. Or when she causes a book to fly right out of Hecate’s hands and onto the floor, always in an attempt to make her trip. She makes sure Hecate feels the burning stare of everyone around them. It makes her feel sick, and her fingers curl into her palms just thinking about it. Lucy is cruel, and Hecate should’ve known she’d take this opportunity to remind everyone what a failure she is, while humiliating an unsuspecting Martha as a bonus.

“That’s enough, Hecate. A witch takes responsibility for her actions.” Their potions mistress bellows. Hecate sighs and they move on.

***  
“Why don’t we escape for a little while?” Pippa suggests, seeing how Hecate sits with her fingers fidgeting in her lap, nibbling her bottom lip as she’s stares at nothing in particular. Everyone else is down by the lake, which is just in eye’s view from where the two sit.

Hecate looks up, nods, and they proceed to walk together, into the forest where they’d found most of their ingredients earlier.

“I don’t mean to tear you away from everyone.” Hecate mutters, still disappointed in herself more than anyone about the mix-up with their potion.

“You know I’d rather be alone here with you than be with them down there, without you. You _know_ I would.” Pippa replies, making something flutter inside of Hecate at the emphasis on the fact that they are alone. And it’s ridiculous. Because Hecate is always either alone by herself at school or alone with Pippa. Always.

“Yes, but this is a new experience. You should be able to experience it without worrying about me.”

“I’m not worrying. And we are having a new experience. This is very educational stuff, Hiccup.” She says, gesturing to their surroundings. “Look,” She walks over to a bright, dewy flowerbed. “The Ghost Orchid. We are extremely lucky to see this growing in the wild, you know? There aren’t many places it can be found in this country. Can you give me it’s full title?”

“Dendrophylax lindenii.” Hecate replies instantly, joining Pippa next to the plant.

“I wonder if even Broomhead knows that.” Pippa says, eyebrows quirking.

“Of course she does.” She sighs, looking over at Pippa.

“You’ve got dirt on your nose.”

“I what?”

“Dirt.” Pippa says, reaching out and gently rubbing her thumb over Hecate’s nose, removing the small smudge.

“Oh.” Hecate replies, painfully aware of Pippa’s thumb, which lingers as she brushes it down over her cheek. It feels intimate and soft. Like Pippa might carry on touching her like this forever. Hecate certainly wants her to.

They hear the sound of someone clearing their throat.

“Hope I’m not interrupting anything.” Comes the dreadful sound of Lucy’s voice. “Broomhead sent me to find you. She wants everyone back at camp and she also told me to apologise to you. I can’t think what for.” She shrugs, smiling her sickly sweet, fake smile, before turning and heading back out of the forest.

“So much for escaping.” Hecate sighs again.

“Maybe we can just go back to our tent soon.” Pippa shrugs. “It’s getting late anyway.”

They follow far behind Lucy until they reach the campsite once more and everyone is already sat, spoons and bowls of food in hand around the campfire, the teachers in their own staff tent. There’s chanting and there are marshmallow’s, just like Pippa said there would be, and there’s no pressure for Hecate to talk at all and just when she thinks she can really relax for the first time today, Lucy insists on opening her mouth again. She begins droning on about the Great Wizard and every other important wizard of the magic council and Hecate’s face scrunches up a little more each time someone rates their looks out of ten. And then somehow the topic turns to _marriage_ and it’s all just too dreadfully unpleasant and boring a conversation.

“What about you, Pippa?” Lucy asks.

“I don’t really expect that I’ll get married.” Pippa says, turning to face the fire, wishing she had not been pulled into the conversation.

“Why? You could have any wizard you choose.” Heather says.

“I don’t want a wizard.” She shrugs, and Hecate’s head darts up.

“Are you saying you’d prefer a witch?” Lucy sniggers. And Pippa does not answer. And it all escalates far, _far_ too quickly because soon, others begin to join in with the sniggering and then it’s more than just a joke. They start to whisper words like _disgusting_ and _wicked_ and _perverted_.

And suddenly Hecate is terrified. Her heart is beating too fast and she begins to panic. Her first thought is not that Pippa might be like her, that she might like witches, in the same way that Hecate does. Her first thought is that Pippa cannot let them know. She needs to deny it. She needs to do something to deter from the subject. If she doesn’t, she will surely be subjected to unfair and cruel judgement. And Pippa does not deserve that. No one deserves that. Even Hecate would not deserve that. Not for simply just being who she is. The thought that others might find out about Pippa what she herself tries so hard to keep hidden is a scarier thought than any. 

To Hecate’s slight relief, Pippa isn’t giving them much of a reaction. In fact, she looks far less than impressed and far more superior. “All I said was that I don’t want a wizard. Didn’t it occur to you that that could mean I don’t want anyone?” She says, voiced poised as ever. And Hecate can breathe again. Maybe Pippa doesn’t like witches. And if she wasn’t so relieved at the way Pippa is handling the situation, she thinks she might feel a little disappointed. 

Everyone seems to calm down after that, the harsh sniggers soften into giggles and the conversation begins to lift significantly.

Until Lucy loudly whispers to Jenny, “I always did think she liked to sit too close. Now we know why.” Clearly intending for everyone to hear. And Hecate can’t quite explain what comes over her because before the last word has even left her mouth, Hecate is standing right in front of Lucy, her back to Pippa, as if to shield her. 

Her eyes blaze through Lucy, but it’s not enough to shut her up. “Oh, the other degenerate has something to say. What is it, Hecate?” Hecate can’t speak, only stare, wishing that looks could kill. She can’t let Pippa be the subject of Lucy’s careless, hurtful words for the rest of their school lives. Especially when others are sure to join it. Because it’s funny to be different. Because it’s _wrong_ to be different.

“Hecate…” Comes Pippa’s soft voice, as she reaches a hand up to touch Hecate’s arm.

“They’re holding hands, how sweet.” Lucy exclaims, sarcasm lacing her tone. And Hecate steps forward so that Pippa can no longer reach her.

“Lucy, are you aware that your mouth spouts more vile excretion than an angry skunk?” Pippa keeps her calm tone and care-free smile.

“Pippa, why don’t you tell your girlfriend to sit back down? The way she’s staring is sweet, but I’m just not deluded the way that she is.” 

Suddenly, Hecate is aware of the eyes on her. All of them, all on her. And it’s too much, and she runs.

She runs away from everyone, out of the campsite and into the forest, to the Ghost Orchids, to where she and Pippa had been earlier. And out of nowhere it starts to rain so hard that Hecate is drenched within seconds. Lighting strikes a nearby tree when Hecate realises she’s the cause of it. Confusion and magic do not mix. Confusion and magic and anger certainly do not mix. All she wanted to do was release the built up power that Lucy had caused within her. It was supposed to expel from her fingertips, it was supposed to be controlled. There’s another strike of lighting before Hecate decides she needs to calm down and breathe. The rain doesn’t stop completely, but it softens, as she does her best to regain control.

She walks further into the forest, further away from everyone. The breeze is freezing on her wet face and she can feel her bun drooping from the force of the weather she’s created. She doesn’t know where she’s going, she could get lost and wouldn’t care. But then she thinks of Pippa. _Remembers_ Pippa. That she left her all alone with those people, with Lucy. A nearby tree collapses with a thud that seems to shake the ground as anger rises within Hecate once more. How could she have left her? Anything could happen to her. They could do anything to her. Anything. She turns around, walks much faster than before, the rain getting heavier again. So heavy, she’s almost blinded by it. But she continues, wincing as the water stings her frozen cheeks. She doesn’t care what’s happening to her, or what will happen to her when she returns to the fireside, all that matters is that Pippa is okay. Hecate might never forgive herself if she’s been harmed, by words or by actions.

There’s still a way to go before she’ll make it to the entrance of the forest, but she sees someone emerging in the distance. A very blurry figure. Their hand covering their face, shielding from the rain. They’re moving quickly and getting closer. They’re also appear to be wearing pink.

It’s Pippa.

The rain softens again in an instant when Pippa reaches her. When Hecate can see that she’s alright. When Pippa reaches out and places both hands on Hecate’s arms. 

“Hecate.” She sighs, trembling out of relief and at the rain and the breeze and at the mere feeling of Hecate’s magic underneath her skin. “You had me so worried.” And Hecate thinks she might cry, finally, seeing the way the Pippa looks up at her like that. Damp skin, mussed hair clinging to her face, tears or raindrops or both clinging to her lashes. 

And Hecate panics. She needs to make this better, somehow. 

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for her to say those things, I didn’t mean to make it worse, I wanted to help, I didn’t mean to leave you, Pippa, I’m so, so sorry. I shouldn’t have left you with them, I shouldn’t have-”

Pippa kisses her. Because she’s panicking too and it’s all she can think to do. All she has thought about doing. There’s a sudden thud that makes Pippa jump. And when they pull apart Hecate realises another tree has fallen.

“Sorry.” She whispers, breath unsteady. She’s not sure what else to say. She’s not entirely sure what’s just happened.

“It’s alright.” Pippa says, still holding Hecate’s arms. 

The rain stops, because Pippa is alright. Hecate, however, is far from alright. Needing to know what Pippa is thinking. What she _was_ thinking when she _kissed_ her just a moment ago. Was it only a way to shut Hecate up or did it mean something?

“We should go back. To our tent, I mean.” Hecate nods in agreement because she can’t seem to speak. Pippa performs a drying spell and it’s suddenly a more intimate spell than Hecate remembers. Feeling Pippa’s magic wash over her like that.

It’s late by the time they reach their tent. They get into their pyjamas and then into their beds, which remain pushed together. And they don’t mention what’s just happened. They say goodnight and let their legs tangle together under the covers and Pippa places her hand between them on the mattress so that just their fingertips brush slightly. Everything feels safe again. 

And when Hecate wakes in the morning, Pippa is nuzzled into her.  
***

The morning is a busy one. Everyone is packing their things and dismantling their tents and they all seem to have all forgotten what went on the night before. Hecate has a feeling it won’t be the last she or Pippa hears of it, but for now she pushes it to the back of her mind. She pushes every memory of last night to the back of her mind. Mentions nothing to Pippa, who mentions nothing to her.

They’re back at school by lunch time, but Hecate decides not to eat just yet. It’s been an overwhelming two days and she wants nothing more than to be alone in her room for a while, unpacking and refamiliarising herself.

For the first time in two days, Hecate feels truly calm. Even when she finally allows herself to think about what happened last night. When she thinks of Pippa and how she _kissed_ her. She sits on the bed, breathes. It meant nothing. Her emotions were running wild. Her magic was running wild. She wasn’t in control. She wasn’t thinking properly. It _must_ have meant nothing. The look on Pippa’s face, the look in her eyes. Hecate can’t be sure she’s remembering it all correctly and she mustn’t be. She’s making it up, or she’s dreamt it. And it’s okay. Because she’s dreamt about this for years now and it’s never been real and it’s not real and she knows it and has accepted it.

She lies down and stares at the ceiling and thinks of nothing in particular, Pippa, tomorrow’s lessons, homework, Pippa. There’s a knock on her door and she doesn’t want to answer it. It’s Pippa, there’s no one else it would be. But she’s not ready to talk again, she needs time. 

Still, the door opens at the flick of her wrist.

“I brought you a croissant.” Pippa says, waltzing into the room. Hecate thanks her, but says nothing more. Pippa joins her on the bed, hangs her head upside down off the edge, as Hecate eats and they share a comfortable silence. And Hecate wonders. If she should be the one to speak first, if it really did mean something, if she should say anything about it at all.

They stay silent, until Pippa has to sit up, dizzy from the blood that’s rushed to her head.

“I suppose I should go and unpack too.” She says, rising from her spot on the bed, Hecate following swiftly behind.

“Pippa.” Hecate finally says, as Pippa reaches the door.

“I’m sorry.” Pippa says in an instant, confusing Hecate even more.

“What for?” She asks, a small frown forming between her eyebrows.

“Kissing you. I panicked and, well, I just did it.” She says, and Hecate doesn’t think she’s ever seen Pippa look nervous before.

“It’s… It’s alright. We can forget about it.” Hecate shrugs, eyes looking off to the side.

“Oh… If that’s what you want?” Pippa’s voice is small and now Pippa herself seems small and sad and Hecate wonders again. If it really _did_ mean something.

“I-Is that what you want?” Hecate asks, uncertainly.

Pippa looks down, appearing rather flustered and Hecate has never seen her like this. It _did_ mean something.

And not knowing for sure is killing her, so she really has to ask. “What do you want?” 

Pippa looks at her. Glances down at her lips and back up to her eyes. And there’s that look, the one she gave her last night in the forest, when they were both drenched in rain. It _means_ something. 

She steps just a little closer. Lifts her hand and slowly rests it just beneath Hecate’s ear, strokes her cheek with her thumb. She’s still unsure, Hecate can tell. But Hecate looks back at her, doesn’t break eye contact for once. Tries to reassure her with a look. Tries to tell her that it’s okay. 

Pippa drops her hand, struggling to speak. “I can’t pressure you again. I convinced you to go on a trip you didn’t want to go on. I promised you you’d have a good time and you didn’t. I kissed you without asking. I keep putting you in situations you don’t want to be in.” She stutters.

“Ask me.” Hecate says, knowing she absolutely had to say something. However, not quite believing that she’s said _that_. And Pippa looks up at her, brows furrowing.

She hesitates. “A-Ask you… Ask you if…”

“Yes.” Hecate nods, her mouth suddenly going quite dry as she realises the words that she’s actually saying to _Pippa_.

Pippa knows what to ask, but now it’s the answer that terrifies her. “Can I…” She pauses, breath unsteady and shaking. “Kiss you?” 

“Yes.” Hecate nods again, with absolutely no hesitations. And Pippa leans in close, keeps getting closer until their lips touch and brush against each other with slow, careful movements.

It’s strange. And maybe it’s because this time they both know it’s what the other wants. It sends magic fluttering around their stomachs and Hecate says a silent thank you that there are no trees in her bedroom. And then she’s smiling and she makes a noise that she can only assume is a giggle and they pull apart and Pippa is smiling too and Hecate can’t quite believe it.

“Would you like to help me unpack?” Pippa asks, quirking an eyebrow. Any trace of uncertainty on her face now erased by the bright, hopeful look in her eyes.

When they enter Pippa’s room, they do not unpack. They charm the door so that no one can unlock it. And as soon as they can they excitedly entwine their fingers together and they look at each other and they smile. And then Hecate looks down, her nerves finally getting the better of her for just a moment. But when she lifts her head up again, Pippa’s still looking, still smiling, still as patient as she always is. She leans in, brushes her nose against Hecate’s, but waits for Hecate to be the one to connect their lips, which she does. And it’s slow and it’s tender, but it’s eager and deeper than before. 

“So you would prefer a witch then?” Hecate breathes when they pull apart once more.

“I’d prefer you.” Pippa says, arms coming up to wrap around Hecate’s shoulders, kissing her again.

Hecate’s fingers twitch at Pippa’s waist, whilst she tries to stop her face from flushing for the hundredth time in the last two days it seems, and she kisses her again and again and again. Pippa’s bag remains unpacked for the rest of the day.


End file.
